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Embodied Consent February Celebration

As I listen to my mother share her experience during her pregnancy and birth of my sisters and I, I have learned so much!

I have learned about the things that she really enjoyed and things that were also not pleasant for her. This information has also helped me in showing up for the families I support in the best way possible knowing the things that may be very helpful to them and also the things that may not.

My mom shares something about the time she was pushing that may not be the most pleasant to read if you are pregnant or recently postpartum. Please take your time as you read this story and take breaks if you need to. You can also simply skip this information if it gets too uncomfortable. I share this story to provide education and information so that you may have a better experience OR if you had this experience as well, you could know you are not alone. The feelings you are having from that experience are valid and you are deserving of support to heal from your experience.

If you are not familiar with the anatomy of your pelvic floor, I would like to share some brief information for understanding of this story. From top to bottom the anatomy goes as follows; clitoris, labia, vagina, perinium, and anus. The Perinium is the space in between the vaginal opening and the anus, this is the region that can tear during birth.

As my mom continues to share the story of how I came earth side, she shared; "my gosh how it hurts when they are pulling you open!" She told the doctor that as soon as she hit 5 centimeters I would be coming very quickly, the doctor did not believe her and did not arrive on time for my arrival. In 1995 episiotomies were common and the nurse which was helping my mother deliver me was suggesting one. However, since the doctor was not there, they were not able to perform one. My mom was pushing on her back and the nurse was "helping" me make my way down by stretching with her hands the vaginal opening. My mother shares that my heartbeat was lost during contractions, and she was put on her side. They placed pillows to support her and was brought back on to her back to push while the nurse forced her open. My mother recalls this as being an extremely painful experience and needing stitches after my birth.

The form of "helping" is often dismissed and has been integrated into birth as something that is passing as "normal"

A provider inserting their fingers into your vagina to widen the space, carve open the canal, use their fingers as forceps, rush the birth, is not necessary and is often described by birthers as assault.

DO NOT mistake this for a perennial massage!

This deliberate act of aggressiveness can look like both hands forcing open the path, pushing down on the perineum, running fingers side to side in a carving sweeping motion.

This is not only a violation when done without consent, but it can also create more perineal tearing in the process.

It is time for people to keep their hands and fingers to themselves when it's not necessary or consented by the birthing person!

Boredom, not knowing what to do with your hands while you wait, or rushing is not an indication to put fingers inside someone's body.

When she shared this with me I did some research and learned this was unnecessary. My mother was put through an unpleasant experience and suffered unnecessary tearing due to her medical team being aggressive and invasive.

Please know that you can put in your birth plan as well as verbally let your medical team know if you would or would NOT like this type of assistance while pushing.

You always have options.


Special will be happening on February 9th and the 9th ONLY!

All services purchased on February 9th will receive a 27% discount! You will not have any limit of purchase and you can buy massages for yourself, your friend, your mother, or whomever you wish!

You do not have to be pregnant to enjoy a relaxation massage at Oxomohco and you can book an appointment as far out as you may need.


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